My Heart’s Spring Cleaning

This morning I looked outside my window at the rowers on the Charles River and sighed contently: spring is finally here. The birds know it, the trees know it, and my heart knows it. It’s time for a spring cleaning of my perspective–and how I write this blog.

Since I primarily tweet about being a student with chronic illness, I found myself with less and less to post here this semester. Why? For a while, my EDS went into remission. It. was. glorious. It was the best I have felt since my freshman year of high school, and I tried to relish every second. That meant spending a lot more time with friends, singing till the sun came up, and really, truly enjoying academics. This left me conflicted, and silent: if I claimed to discuss being a student with a chronic illness when I didn’t feel like I had a chronic illness, where did that leave me?

I am so often tempted to shed layers of myself in order to squish into a certain mold; in this case, that mold is the chronic illness blogosphere, and the layers I shed to avoid hurting anyone’s feelings left me a shadow of the life-loving, vibrant person I am in real life, and left my blog silent for months.

I love reading faith blogs, but am not a “faith blogger”, I love reading chronic illness blogs but am less and less a “chronic illness blogger” (though my EDS has returned with a vengeance). I go through phases, but truthfully, writing about what is on my heart helps me stay sane in the crazy competitive environment I live in, and helps me stay grounded to what I truly believe and care about.

So I’m back here! But with a new heart-perpective. I don’t want to shed any more layers of myself, and instead will begin adding them back in to my online presence, and I’m excited! I can’t wait to share more authentically with you. I miss this space, and I miss hearing from you.

So what will I be talking more about?

  • faith, and my struggles with it. I hope that fellowship with others in the online faith-blogging community will deepen my understanding of God, and I hope that I can create a safe space to discuss fears, doubts, and, ultimately, hope in God. 
  • fitness. One of the things doctors always say to me when I first see them is, “Just exercise! It’ll solve all of your problems!” Well, no. I’ve had to learn how to exercise safely, without causing permanent or even temporary damage to my joints, and I’d like to share my strategies here. I signed up for a 5k on June 22nd, 2013, to keep me motivated, but there’s a cushion built in for injuries in my training plan. Everything I write about will be what my physical therapist and I have worked on together, so you EDS folks don’t have to worry about me!! That said, just because I can do it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t talk to your doctor–everyone has varying strengths and weaknesses with EDS (and in general!). I’ve realized that exercise helps me feel whole, and I don’t want to hide that anymore!
  • food (maybe). I’ve been playing around with how to eat right for my body in a dorm setting, and it has been quite the experiment! This summer I’ll be living on campus without a kitchen or dining hall services, so this might have to wait until the fall, when I have a kitchen in my dorm (!!).

Long story short: expect some changes up in here. Thanks for sticking with me, and I hope we can connect more this way!

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